"Depression" by Dax: TikTok Finally Made Me Cry - (Mastered)
A short, improvised song about alcohol and isolation. Depressing words and good music from an artist who is new to my playlist...
“Depression” by Dax.
Disclaimer: You do NOT have to listen to the accompanying music to understand this piece…but you will not get the entire multimedia experience and/or message without it. Please at least turn it on in the background at a comfortable volume that still allows you to read and comprehend. Thank you and enjoy.
I can't find myself
I get lost inside my brain
I think I might need help, mm
But I pushed all of 'em away
At one time, I was stupid & drunk young enough to believe that depression was “manmade.”
Women couldn’t have made it. It’s too ugly. Too useless. Too powerful.
Its smell lingers for far too long…it won’t leave your house. It’s a man if I’ve ever heard of one—and it sounds like a weak one…a weak man with depression.
Good men could never. Women could never. Good people could never….
Life could never.
But they do. It does…
I took the cards they dealt
And there's nothin' I can change
So, when I'm by myself
I just pray for brighter days
It made sense at the time that another creature like me—but a man—could only experience this depression, nay, this anxiety AND depression…this weight of a world that doesn’t yet exist…if he was weak.
It took me 27 years to willingly seek help for my mind. I let my sharpest tool get dull—then had the nerve to complain. To complain about not being able to cut the rope that was wrapped around my tongue…my mouth…my neck…even my eyes…
I was hanging myself from the alcohol-soaked rafters that I’d installed with my wallet and my own two hands. My mouth constantly tasted like whiskey. I get sick thinking about it…
I acted like a jackass. I hurt my friends. I hurt my family. I hurt myself.
Myself…
Like most addicts (and most prisoners), I built my own prison…
Sometimes I sit, and I reminisce 'bout the good times
Wish I could get those back
I keep on runnin' these races that go in my mind
And they go on these tracks
I'm not ready to erase all my memories
Hmm, I fight depression and I let it get the best of me
Now there's nowhere to run, nowhere to go
Look around, there's liquor bottles all on the floor
Fillin' up the space inside my heart and my home
Drownin' out these thoughts until they leave me alone
I think about the good times. But to be honest, after trying treatment after treatment…
I know what works for me. I know what heals me. What makes my depression lift…
It’s this project—Audio Issues—and the potential of connecting with people like you.
I can't find myself
I get lost inside my brain
I think I might need help, mm
But I pushed all of 'em awayI took the cards they dealt
And there's nothin' I can change
So, when I'm by myself
I just pray for brighter days
Sharing my art…
These thoughts are drainin' all my energy
I try to tell 'em to God, they said, "I'm goin' insane"
And then they recommended therapy
And I go and talk to a man who's gettin' paid to explain
He started sayin' that the chemical imbalance is the reason that my brainAin't connectin' to accomplishments associated with movin' on
All in life and passive things in life, my heart cannot contain
So that happiness won't sustain
And he read me my options
He said, "Here goes a pill, only take two, eat a meal"
And they don't know how I feelI can't find myself (I can't find myself)
I get lost inside my brain
Think I might need help (think I might need help)
But I pushed all of 'em away
I took the cards they dealt (took the cards they dealt)
And there's nothin' I can change
So, when I'm by myself (when I'm by myself)
I just pray for brighter daysShould I drown all these thoughts, or should I leave 'em to float?
I've got all of my flaws livin' inside of this boat
I've been anchored in pain, the weight is makin' me choke
It's gettin' harder to breathe, it's pullin' right at my throat
I've been hopin' for change, but don't know how to restart
They say you ain't a man when you're exposin' your heart
Then they say you insane until it tears you apart
And then it cuts you so deep, and they can tell by the scarsWe can only see change when we accept who we are
Try to run from the shame, and you will never get far
Don't you bottle the pain and live your life in the dark
You're meant to break from those chains and shine as bright as a star
Don't you ever tell yourself that your depression
Is the reason you won't make it or that happiness is not in your cards
With our God, you can beat all the odds
Keep your faith, and you'll never be lost and sayI can't find myself
I get lost inside my brain
Think I might need help (I think I might need help)
But I pushed all of 'em away (I pushed all of them away)
I took the cards they dealt
And there's nothin' I can change
So, when I'm by myself
I just pray for brighter days
Press play. Enjoy—without my words (this one time).
I hope you check out Dax…I will write more about this subject later to a more personal song.
I discovered him via someone else’s TikTok—here’s his Amazon Music!
And yes. I am currently shopping for a new therapist—get help AND make art :)
❤️
Great piece man